Dear Justin James Watt of Pewaukee, Wisconsin,
First and foremost, if you are reading this – HI! You’re awesome and you’re one of my favorite football players – ever. </end fangirl moment> While this “letter” is titled me thinking “I would make the perfect Mrs. JJ Watt,” this is actually not the case because I am happily committed to my relationship with my boyfriend, Skyler – who also is a big fan of yours. I am writing this “letter” to inform you that while I may not be available as a girlfriend/wife/etc., I am totally open to being a confidant, friend, assistant, etc.
Here are just a few reasons as to why I am qualified to be your friend, assistant, etc.:
- We’re both Aries! That’s just a point in itself needing no further explanation.
- I’ve seen on the Internet you have a home in Pearland. I went to school and resided there for seven years and there is a strong possibility I will move back there if I ever find a job (hook me up, please).
- We both love football, obviously. Especially high school – GO OILERS (class of 2010)!
- We are both family-oriented.
- We both have tattoos in memory our late-grandfathers, who both served in the Korean War (saw your tweet).
- I don’t think money and fame are the most important things in the world. You’re a normal human being, just like me. You just happen to make money doing what you love… no big deal. I will, too, one day.
While all the girls are super excited hearing that you are trying to find the right Mrs. Watt, I appreciate your efforts in making your career top priority. If you ever need an assistant to handle any of your needs, personal or professional, I’m your gal! I have listed my qualifications below:
- Recent graduate from Sam Houston State University; BBA in General Business with a minor in Psychology
- I can maintain confidentiality regarding any personal and/or professional matter
- I think you’re a pretty cool dude because you like doing the sweetest things for your fans
- I understand the game of football and would love to work for the NFL one day
- I can handle your social media appearance, if the position ever opens up
- I prefer being at home catching up on my favorite shows rather than going out
- I can totally help you find the right Mrs. Watt, although, I don’t have any connections to do it, but I am a GREAT judge of character
- Sidenote: I think your mom is the absolute greatest (even though, I only know of her through TV commercials and Instagram pictures)
In conclusion, Mr. Watt, I think you’re a pretty awesome dude – it’s just a bonus you’re a professional football player. I would be honored to be the perfect friend, confidant, assistant, etc. to the one and only JJ Watt, that is, if you ever have an opening in your squad/entourage.
PS – I wrote this “letter” with the intention of (the slim-to-none chance) you seeing this and the hope you grace me with your presence and work for you. If there is no immediate need of my services, which I am sure there is not, a picture and conversation with you will suffice. 😉